Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
