cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
that's an acceptable place to lick
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
