i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have tasted many bathrooms
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
