That's when you crack a 10am beer
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
