I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
honey bunches of taint.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
