every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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