All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
