Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
