Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
