Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
