I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
