Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
