if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
