WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
