I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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