Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
high people should be assigned attendants
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
