No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
