Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
