I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
