I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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