Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
