It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
