The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
