She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
