I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
