I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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