I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
