I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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