I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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