I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
