Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
