im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
