I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
