Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
