I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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