Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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