so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
