I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
