I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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