apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
