Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
