I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
