eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
