Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
