i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
