Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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