You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
