I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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