i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
