I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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