yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
