I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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