i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
