i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
