Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
