you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
