I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How does it feel to date your dad?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i think i just lost a toe
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
