My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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